A Nifty Guide to Help Runners Not Die

     As I was going through the blogs, I noticed that everyone seems determined to help their fellow Runners stay alive. Now, I wouldn't consider myself a Runner, nor a Fighter. I'm really more of a piddling little girl who is pretty much fucked when the time comes for the shit to hit the fan. And even though I've found myself teetering on the idea of getting involved with the other bloggers due to the sheer fact that I just really hate people, I still feel like it's my duty to offer this one little pinch of advice. Mostly because I'd feel like a bit of an ass if I didn't.

     "So, what is this revolutionary idea that is sure to shake the foundations of the planet and make this war that much more winnable?" you may ask. Well first off, allow me to titty-slap you for the sake of hilarity. Secondly, I want to point out that this is not any sort of fighting advice, and it has a lot of down sides to it. It's just...

     Fuck, I hate writing intros, I always get carried away. I'll just get to the point.

     Basically, my idea for the Runners (and proxies, if you wish; I'm not taking sides) is for them to change their sleep schedule so that they're sleeping for a less amount of time, and spending more time fighting/running. I'd say you should sleep for about... 20-30 minutes every four to five hours.

     I know, I know, it sounds crazy. But it actually works! Let me explain:

     This is called the Uberman Sleep Schedule. Basically, it will help you get your REM sleep immediately so that you won't have to waste hours in an unrestful sleep, and it will give the enemy less of a chance to sneak up on you (plus it should help a bit with that nightmare problem that Runners tend to have). Basically, just set your alarm for half an hour after your planned bed time and you're ready to go! And then you just wait four hours, and repeat. Most people usually only get an hour and a half of REM sleep each night, while this sleep schedule will give you about 2 hours of it. So basically, you'll be getting even more rest than your average Joe, and will inevitably be able to operate a lot more efficiently.

     Now, there is a slight down side to this, nothing is perfect after all. For the first week and a half or so, you're gonna be, like, super sleep deprived. Unless you're some sort of super monkey hybrid, your brain is not going to adapt to this right away, and you will therefore not be getting any REM sleep. You may also begin to hate your life. But fear not! Once your brain agrees to go along with your new agenda, you'll be glad it did.

Aaaaand... that's all I got. I hope it helps someone out there. I don't plan on surviving this for very long, so this is really the least I can offer to the community.


Chow for now.